Dear Future Husband

Confession – I am just in love with this song! (If you haven’t heard it, please listen to it right NOW! And then come back to finish reading :))

The interesting thing about this song is that Meghan Trainor has been slammed for writing a song that promotes anti-feminist ideas and promotes gender stereotypes. Of course, a lot of it is tongue-in-cheek but I’ve really been thinking about the lyrics of this song and how it translates practically. I mean, let’s have a look at the song:

Take me on a date, I deserve it babe, and don’t forget the flowers every anniversary

I think it is hugely important to keep dating after you’re married or after the initial honeymoon period of a new relationship is over. My parents have regular date nights and guess what – they are coming up to their fortieth wedding anniversary. It’s important to work at keeping the romance alive in amongst all the working, housework, family functions, studying, and general life admin. Don’t assume that just because you successfully put a ring on it that the work is done! I remember my ex-husband saying to me once (and in hindsight, this is probably where alarm bells should have started REALLY ringing) that he was bored now that the chase was over. Same with the whole flowers on the anniversary – it isn’t about the physical flowers, it is about the fact that you took the time to think about flowers that your wife / significant other likes, and actually ordered them. It might seem like a silly thing, especially to the ever practical guys, but I know for me it is so heart warming.

‘Cause if you’ll treat me right, I’ll be the perfect wife

Obviously nobody is perfect. But the underlying message here is that it is important to treat others the way you want to be treated and that it is important to give as much as you receive. I love taking care of people – always have. But I am more inclined to take care of you when I see that you are equally willing to take care of me!

You gotta know how to treat me like a lady

Is being a lady all that bad? I know the quid pro quo at the moment is to be all “rah rah women can do everything men can” but why can’t we just celebrate our differences? Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I love having doors opened for me, or the cute thing men do when they put their hand on the small of your back to guide you, or open the lid on a jar because it is just too darn tight! (Before feminists start screaming at me, obviously if a woman and a man are in the same job, they should be getting paid equivalent salaries depending on education and experience…)

Even when I’m acting crazy, Tell me everything’s alright

Women are cray-cray, there is no denying it. We are ruled by hormones, and let’s be honest, hormones are just bitches. There will be times where we will cry over an ad on television, or yell at you for five minutes over something very trivial. Or, we’ll just be sad and have no idea why. Instead of just looking us disdainfully and muttering something mean about PMS, just give us a hug! Be supportive. We KNOW we are crazy, but the crazy just has to come out sometimes!

Tell me I’m beautiful each and every night

I actually do not remember my ex-husband ever complimenting the way I look. Girls, if you are anything like me, you put a lot of effort into the way you look. I want my man to be proud to have me by his side so I always make sure I am dressed well and looking pretty. (Of course, makeup and clothes are fun so it’s not like this is exactly a chore!). But guys – recognise the effort! Tell us we look beautiful, or pretty, or whatever word you want. It doesn’t have to be every night like it says in the song (I mean, she needs to rhyme and “tell us sporadically” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it) but make an effort to make sure the woman in your life knows you’re proud of her, appreciate her effort, and think you’re really lucky to have her in your life.

Even if I was wrong, You know I’m never wrong, Why disagree?

Just kidding! We’re wrong (sometimes).

Anyway, this was a bit of a random post but the song has just been playing on my mind of late. It annoys me when people focus on gender equality – if we weren’t meant to be different, God wouldn’t have created two genders!

I also love this picture – and the fact that it came up when I googled “dear future husband”.

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He loves me, he loves me not

Okay firstly let me preface this by saying obviously I don’t mean love quite just yet lol.

But… I had a wonderful first date with a guy on Friday night. The first guy I didn’t see any red flags with! The date only ended because the restaurant booted us out lol. And now I find myself in a quandary… does he like me as much as I like him?! I feel like a schoolgirl analysing the text and subtext of the text messages he sends me.

Boys, be glad you aren’t girls! It is tough work being over analytical and stressing about everything.

I know at the end of the day it is all in God’s hands and that does give me a huge amount of comfort. But still… I haven’t found myself in this situation since I was 22 lol. It is weirdly unsettling!

Patience has never been a strong suit of mine.

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Perspective

The sunrise was spectacular this morning. (Yes, I was up early enough to see it…yawn).

What made it so spectacular was if you looked to the west, it was all dark and stormy and broody looking. The east, on the other hand, was streaked with pink, orange, gold, and blue. It was so beautiful.

Two very different outlooks but… the same sky. It got me thinking. It is all about perspective! People facing the west this morning would be grumbling about the bad weather whilst people looking at the east would be admiring the gorgeous sunrise.

It is important to remember that we don’t always see the big picture. We don’t see the whole sky – just whatever direction we are facing. So little ol’ me down here on earth can whinge away about being single and will I ever be a wife or mum… but I’m not looking at the whole sky the way God is. I’m facing west and looking at the storm without realising there is a beautiful sunrise just behind me.

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When the Going Gets Tough…

I pride myself on being strong. I don’t enjoy being that friend with constant drama and emotional issues. I hate crying in front of people. In the aftermath of leaving my ex-husband, I think I cried in front of maybe 4 people? One week after it happened I was smiling and telling people I was fine.

And I am fine. I am quite happy with my life and despite the wondering over my future, I am at peace with what was happened. (Although, Channel 9’s new reality show about people in their 30s who haven’t found the one getting married to a complete stranger… I turned to my mum and said “Oh jeez, that is going to be me, isn’t it”). But I know the end to marriage was what was best with me and I have absolutely no arguments over that.

But sometimes, life. just. sucks. My Facebook feed for the last couple of weeks has been filled with wedding photos, pregnancy announcements, and pictures of new little babies. I am genuinely happy for all these people but..It would be quicker and far less painful for someone to just get a knife and drive it into my heart. Seriously God, why am I not deserving of these things? I want those things for myself so badly and it is extra hard because all my life I felt that my true purpose was to raise children to know and love God. Well, it is going to be kind of hard to do that without a husband!

However, two things keep coming to mind. One is Matthew 17.20 –

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Have you ever seen a mustard seed? They are TEENY TINY. I like to think my faith is generally a little bit bigger than a mustard seed but even when I question God and feel like I will never get a happy ending, I still only need to have that small amount of faith. My faith might be small at times but my God is greater than anything I could comprehend.

And for the times when I can’t even muster up a mustard seed of faith? When I feel like going to bed and never EVER getting up again?

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Sometimes, it is okay to not be strong. God is perfectly capable of carrying His children when they are weary and worn out. Maybe I need to learn to be less tough and more vulnerable.

Focusing on the positive can be exhausting sometimes. Maybe, just maybe, I need to admit that life is just not fair and I got dealt a pretty crappy hand.

Dating 101

There really needs to be an etiquette guide for online dating!

What I find difficult around online dating is feeling like I am hurting people. I like to think I am a fairly good person. I try not to judge people or hurt people. I try to be compassionate and kind!

But, at the same time, I know what I am looking for in a man. Solid career, motivation, loves Jesus, strong family values. And of course, I find certain physical traits attractive and others….not so much. But how do you navigate this? I was talking to one very nice guy, who had his photos on private – and when I saw them… he is simply not my type at all. But what do I say? What is the path that is the least HURTFUL? Do I just stop talking to him? Or do I actually say it straight – I just don’t find you attractive?

It is the same with careers. My ex was not particularly motivated when it came to his career and as a result I want someone who is motivated and has that sense of wanting to provide for his family. So when a guy tells me they pack sauce bottles, or work part time in a bottle shop, or drive a bus… that just isn’t for me. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those jobs, but it is just not what I am looking for. Reflecting on my marriage, I think my ex actually may have felt emasculated by me. I earned more money than he did, and was more educated than him, and looking back on his “jokes” I actually think it really bothered him. So I want someone like minded, so that this doesn’t happen again. But again – how do I say this? I tried the honesty path last week and really offended the poor guy.

I don’t really have an answer to this. I want to navigate the online dating world displaying good Christian values but at the end of the day it is an activity that requires certain judgments.

Food for thought. If you have any ideas, please let me know!

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I Want it Nooooowwwww……living in a society of instant gratification

I got impatient today because I had to wait a few minutes for my Outlook to restart.

We can buy food and other items without even having to leave our house. Without even having to get up and get our wallets!

News, entertainment, and media are literally at our fingertips – whether it be on a smartphone, tablet, laptop, or PC.

To say we live in a society of instant gratification is a HUGE understatement. And I have to say, in the aftermath of my split I was definitely focused on instant gratification. When would I get married again? When would I have children? I needed to KNOW right then and there what my life was going to look like. I was STRESSED. “I’m getting close to 30!” I would wail at whomever was near. This whole having a family business? I needed to get cracking!!

I also felt very overwhelmed by the prospect of a new relationship. “I want to skip the beginning and get to the good part of a relationship where you’re comfortable” I said to my best friend. I hated the thought of having to go through all the firsts…first kiss, first time a guy sees you without makeup, first time meeting the friends / family…bleck! I just wanted a solid, secure relationship – NOW. The thought of my future occupied my thoughts ALL. THE. TIME.

But I’m coming to realise this is the wrong approach. And I’m actually starting to feel excited about starting over again. I get a fresh start and a better life! I could have jumped into a relationship with the first guy who showed an interest in me since the split – but I haven’t. Why? Because it isn’t my time yet. God has perfect timing to go with his perfect plan.

So, when will I meet “the one”? Whenever God wants me to!

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Am I becoming a cynic?

I have a date this weekend.

I’ve been on quite a few dates now since the big split. And… it’s exhausting!

It’s like a roller coaster – the excitement of getting that notification that your profile is liked, then the initial chat, then the exchange of numbers, the texting….and finally, the meet. Oohhhhh the meet. It sucks. You can think you have, by all accounts, met the perfect guy – only to meet them and want to run a mile. I wanted to leave my last date five minutes in but he had paid for my milkshake so I didn’t want to be rude (plus, it was salted caramel, YUM!).

I guess I am at the point where dates just don’t excite me anymore. I don’t want to be disappointed or feel let down. Dating is not fun! It is hard work. But… this is where I am in life and the only way is forward!

At least I get free milkshakes.

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